I don’t mean to be cynical about this… but it’s incredibly sad that someone felt this needed to be explained to men, and even more sad that person is probably correct.

How are grown-ass men just now learning that people talk about their problems precisely **because** there is no easy answer? If she is venting to you, the solution is beyond her. Which means if she can’t fix it easily, you sure as fuck can’t. So this essay is a bit too gentle. Men were not raised to problem-solve. If that were true, men would be MUCH better at solving their own problems. Men were, however, raised to blindly dominate.

If you’re trying to rush in and immediately solve someone else’s problem without understanding it properly first, you’re arrogant enough to not get that she is just as intelligent as you are and probably tried the obvious fixes already.

I am cis female, and I’ve known since I was twelve years old (at least…) that if anyone is venting about a problem, 99% of the time they have already done the work to solve it themselves, so you might as well listen actively and truly try to help them once you truly understand what the issue is. At that point, your friend or partner or whatever will be open to advice since you CLEARLY did the listening part.

Goddamn, the bar for men is low.